Tag Archives: Jokes

The Day From Heaven

Let me tell y’all about my day… mind you it’s only 1:14 pdt (did you know that it’s not pst until winter) anywho… This morning a friend of mine had to go in for a biopsy, as a church family we were asked by Pastor to wake up at 6am to pray for our sister as she went in for her tests. Now, most of you who follow me on twitter know that I’ve been having issues with Sprint about my phone. My OTHER new phone that I JUST activated Monday is already trippin’, so guess what? Yep! My alarm didn’t go off, the phone had shut down & had the “error 202” message. But my God is so good, I’m usually awakened by the need to go potty around 6:40 or so, but He woke me up at 6am on the dot!! Let’s see what lesson did I get out of that? Simple, I had an alarm set for 5:59 & a wake up call from Erika as back up, I don’t need anyone but Him…

My twitter fam also knows that I just got my car out of the shop. When they fixed my fuel pump, something happened with my fuel line so my gas was leaking. GREAT!! So my plan was to leave early, stop & get gas before I took Chris to school because I didn’t want it leaking out over night. But my child wasn’t ready, so I say OK, I can get him there & get back, & get some gas before I bring my car to the mechanic. I decide to hop on the highway, on an UPHILL entrance! Ivonnah!? For reals?? My car starts stuttering & I’m like JESUS PLEEEEEASE. So I get off the next exit which had absolutely NO gas stations!! Sloan stops stuttering, & we’re riding smoothly, I’m like OK I can make it to the one near my house. I have no idea what happened but all of a sudden I was two BIG blocks past my turn! AHHH! I’m trippin’ with NO GAS, really? Ugh, I bust a U, & make a quick right (praying the whole time) trying to get to ANY gas station. Oh no! Red light & the street is slanted upward! AHHH “come on Sloan, you can make it”. By now I can smell the fumes my car was running on. I stutter to the light, she gets a little more gumption, I make the left tuuuuurn aaaaand stutter, stutter, I’m pushing on the steering wheel saying NO NO NO, stutter…it’s a wrap. She’s just cruising as I steer her to the side, I float past a sign, didn’t have time to read it to see if I could park there. *Sigh* it only gets worse…OK there’s a strip club parking lot & next to it is a post office (yeah, I know) I refuse to stall in the strip club lot, even though it was easier to get into. So I’m pressing the gas as hard as I can (like that’s doing something) & I make it to the post office……exit, which is slanted slightly upward as well, I turn in & Sloan just says sorry Von. So I’m stuck sideways in the exit. I get out to try & push LOL, oh that’s so funny. A man sees me & gets out to help, another man at the drive up box hopped out as well & they push me safely into a parking space. My lesson from this…Stay focused, when you’re not focused you get off track. Our main focus needs to be on the Lord, when we take it off of Him we end up going round about, the long way, & eventually running outta gas. Even if it’s seems like the other road is easier. But when you are one of His sheep, He shepherds you, guides you, & if you need a little more push He’ll send His angels & put the people in your life that you need by your side, walking your walk with you.

Whew! That’s over, now the easy part. I have a gas container from my days of running out of gas with Nia Chrystie, all I have to do is walk (4 big blocks) to the gas station. It’s cool, I was going to do 40 minutes on the bike anyway. OK, wait, hold up, where’s my, umm, my debit card is home!! Ivonnah Danielle Erskine! Putting $3 on a credit card just seems dumb. So between my purse, the floor & in the seat I scraped up $1.50 in quarters. So I’m walking up the street, black hoodie, bright blue sweats that say HOLLISTER in pink across the butt & a purple pashmina, black charcol mask on my pimple. Yep, lookin’ good. I had a nice walk, took the time to just be me & Jesus.

Funny thing is, I had on so many layers! I half get ready in the morning before I bring Chris, then I go back & finish before I go to class. But for some reason (Holy Spirit) I put pants under the sweats & a shirt & jacket over my tank top WITH my pash! Y’all know that “something told me to…” is the Holy Spirit right? God always makes sure you’re prepared! It was really cold this morning.

OK, now I get home, I’m making some eggs & bacon before I go to class…*sigh* I burn two of my fingers taking my bread out of the oven that I was warming up. Ugh, I eat, throw on some jeans, take off the purple pash & throw on a white one & brush my teeth. I leave to bring my car, Juan drops me at school, I’m walking & my right sock is smaller than the left one, (or maybe the foot is bigger) it’s sliding off my heel to the arch of my foot. I’m in Spanish class, I’m telling Patti about my morning & I realize that I didn’t take the mask off of my pimple. I get hot, I take my jacket off, where are my boobs? Oh geez I forgot to put on a bra…