Tag Archives: marriage

Granny Panties Don’t Work

A while ago in one of my blogs I mentioned soul ties & I said I’d get back at a later date, well, here’s the later date. Back in the old biblical days folks didn’t have the ceremonies we have today. To be considered married, the two became one when they had sex & their souls were tied together under God, & now they are husband & wife…end of blog lol I kid I kid, but do you see where I’m going with this? Their SOULS were TIED & the two became ONE. Do you understand that we are nothing but souls that were given flesh & bones to walk this earth to glorify God’s kingdom? That’s all we are!! But that’s a big deal! So our souls being connected & intertwined with people before it’s time, before they are our husband or wife only brings about heartache, pain & unnecessary stuff you’ll have to deal with when you do become married. It not only binds you to that person, but to all of the people that they have been with. I have my own crazy and I don’t need your crazy ex girlfriend hopping into my spirit too. No thanks.

People always say that waiting until marriage is old fashioned, that the Ten Commandments do not apply anymore, but read what Paul says in 1 Thessalonians “For you remember what we taught you by the authority of the Lord Jesus. God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor— not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways.” It says to control your body!! No excuses. You cannot say that you know God & do the opposite of what He says to do. It is not old fashioned – Thessalonians…that’s New Testament, post Jesus aka how we should be living.

Now a few years ago God tackled me to the ground & put me in a headlock, just kidding – God told me that I needed to stop having sex until I was married. This was not news to my ears, and I will not lie to you all & act like I just said “okie dokie Lord”, I didn’t. I think men are the most beautiful creation, especially a big ole Black one with a beard. Do I miss sex, YES, but do I want my marriage & the plans that the Lord has set for my life to be blessed & given to me HECK YES. It’s so much more important to be on God’s plan than to be on your own. It was a tough pill to swallow, but the Lord was very specific, & I am very thankful for it now. It has saved me from being bound to men that I would have had no business being bound to. Simply, it’s a relief! I know Aunt Flo is coming to town & on every physical I know my HIV test will be negative. *ye shrug*

Sooo, dating, I really hate when people say “we’re not supposed to date because there is no dating in the bible” yeah & your daddy isn’t trading you for a flock of cattle either, wait, that would be a herd huh? Anywho, marriages aren’t arranged like they were back then – we need to date, get to know people, see how they are, check their integrity, things like that. But dating in the church does not look like dating in the world – well it’s not supposed to.

I’m saying all this to say pull your panties back up ladies and gentlemen be the leader & make her purity (and yours) a priority whether you’re a virgin or rededicated your body to Christ. The intimacy that we long for should be the intimacy we are having with the Lord, get to know Him while we’re getting to know the person we’re dating. He will show you things you need to know about that person, He will warn you or give you the go ahead if you are sensitive to His Spirit – but that only comes from spending time.

Lastly, we can’t put ourselves in compromising positions & think that we’re so strong that we can resist the temptation…we cannot. Well we can, but only for so long. Paul also says in 1 Corinthians (Paul stayed warning the church about sex) “Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.” It is the only one that CLEARY AFFECTS, the affects are evident & like one of my girlfriends pointed out, it’s the only sin that becomes not a sin. It’s the trickiest one so you know it has to be important. The Holy Spirit is in you. That means we’re dragging the Holy Spirit into our mess!! Runnnnnn!!!! Run! Run! Run! I’ve been talking to a guy & I’ve had to run …cause he’s fine, & young & athletic &…yeah you get it. It’s just not safe lol. We can try little tricks like wearing granny panties or not waxing, it doesn’t work, trust me. So ladies put your pretty panties back on & keep your appointments just do not go to his house at all times of night & by no means spend the night! Or just don’t go to his house at all!

I digress, I am not here to repremand or talk down, I’m talking to myself too, hello…young fineian. But there’s a reason why we are supposed to be hidden in Christ. He needs to get through Christ & pass His inspection in order to get to us. Trust Me, God will not let a janky dude through if we are truly hidden in Him, only we can. Now can we be sexy & appealing, of course men are visual creatures, but we need to know how to catch without throwing too much. I heard on TV last night “if things were easy to find, then they wouldn’t be worth finding”.

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Old School Lovin’

As I sit here with my son Christian watching The Prince of Egypt (his favorite movie), we get to the part where Moses has to tell his wife what God told him to do. Now this post isn’t about Moses, it’s about his wife, his better half, his rock, Zipporah…

One must wonder what goes through a persons mind when their husband comes home & says “honey, when I was out, God spoke to me through a burning bush & told me that I have to go back to my land & set my people free” I can imagine Zipporah’s extreme side eye.

I have a question for the ladies, well a few…How many of us can honestly say that we could have done what Zipporah did? Honestly, be truthful with yourself, no one is looking. Most women today won’t even stick by their man’s side in a dispute, nevermind being by his side when he’s called by God to lead a people out of a country & face the most powerful King in the land. The person who had the ability to double the Israelites work load, or worse, kill Moses & his family if they even stepped foot into the palace.

But back to Zipporah, when one reads Exodus it doesn’t go into the conversation that she and Moses had when he told her about his encounter with God. When he said that they had to leave the confines of her daddy’s home. But in Prince of Egypt it does…well kinda, I mean it’s a cartoon but I imagine they portrayed a pretty accurate response. She had the “blank stare” “huh, are you for real” look on her face followed by the hanging of her head with a sigh. I’m sure there were many thoughts going through her mind, the danger her husband is going to face going home & telling his brother (not blood but…now The 10 Commandments plays every year at Easter you should know this story) Ramses that he had to let his people go. (why did I just think of the jail scene on Fresh Prince lol sorry) But ultimately she says “I’m going with you”. In the Bible God never said to pack up & take your family, like with Lot, God was specific about who was to go & with Abraham that he was to go alone. So I’m assuming she didn’t HAVE to go, she had a choice and she chose to be with her husband through the battle with his brother & withstand the trials right by his side.

Later on, when God was going to make Moses very ill because one of his sons wasn’t circumcised, Zipporah took a flint & circumcised him herself! She did that to protect her husband. I did a blog a while ago “Who’s Got You Covered” about husbands being the covering to their wives, wives need to have their husband’s back. Am I married, no not yet but the Lord has been preparing me lately. Now what if Zipporah had stayed home chillin with her pops Jethro & her sisters? Poor ole Moses would have been a goner…

A few months ago my friends parents celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary. I think that’s soooooo awesome! Why can’t couples these days last 4 years, or 4 months!? Couples back in the day stuck it out! They didn’t run at the first sign of danger, they respected their vows. Why are so many couples today divorcing or shacking up like that’s really OK!? It’s not! Vows between a man & woman are sacred and marriage isn’t a contract. It’s a vow under God. Stop playin house, acting like a wife & wondering why he won’t marry you!! Get married!!

*Dismounts high horse*

Anyway, the whole point of this blog was to say ladies, let’s get it together. We’re always claiming that there are no good men, but I mean, one attracts what one gives off so…

I don’t know everything, but I do know what the Lord has been teaching me in the past month or so, changing my mind about somethings. Things I just had to have in my marriage…or not have. Like me saying that I never wanted to struggle with my husband until my wise sista said that the struggle brings you closer. Or that I HAD to get married in Connecticut, but one day God said to me “what if your future husband has someone who can’t travel?” I was like dang, OK Lord (but I really want to get married in Connecticut BUT now I’m open lol). Yeah so, God has just been pruning & working on me in that area. And having my husbands back will be #1, just like women did back in the day…


Companionship, Marriage, Beans, Franks & Scrapple…

The other day I was talking to my friend about companionship, then the importance of a partnership in marriage & how important of a covenant it is to God. We hopped on over to how I’ll never get a divorce once I am married (’til death do us part sucka). Slowly but surely our discussion turned to his detest for beans & franks (together, they’re fine separately smh) & then somehow scrapple became the topic of conversation…don’t ask lol. This was all via bbm…

So later on I got to thinking about relationships. Now, when you’re in a relationship, well I guess when you start dating someone, how open is your conversation? Do you send your representative like Chris Rock said? Or are you yourself completely? I mean, they say that the best relationships come from great friendships, so how come we can be so open with our friends, or how come when we ARE dating someone we’re able to be open with “him/her” & not with “him/her”? What makes the difference? I’ll give you my take on this…

When I’m dating I’m always very cautious…1 reason is because I’ve had men flip from cool to groupie on me (& they call women groupies HA!), once they figure out I’ve been in videos or was on Wild N’ Out ugh boy oh boy. #2 The ones that know, but don’t care about that think they’re getting Ivonnah from TV & then begin to lose interest once they realize I burp & fart just like the next chick. Sometimes, as awesome as I am, I’m very leery about just being ME right off the bat. I’m a little coo coo, what if he doesn’t like my personality? Or I scare him? “I know, I need an artist who understands my thought process”. HAHA! All types of things go through my brain…

I think it’s pretty sad that at times, we feel like we can’t be ourselves, or we have to stifle who we are & put our personalities under a rock. That’s not OK, when we’re in relationships we shouldn’t have to tread water with what we say & how we act. We should be able to be free, open & honest. I’m not saying spill your guts or fart on the first date, ladies, don’t fart at all…ever…but we should feel comfortable with being ourselves with our mate, just as we are with our friends. I love bean casserole (nothin’ but beans & franks baked with brown sugar & butter) now what if he didn’t tell me that my dinner sounded gross? lol I might have made that one day & I would get the “talk to the hand” & “sick face” like he did on bbm haha. We should be able to be ourselves at all times & be loved & appreciated for it…be able to talk about everything from being in love to corn beef hash. If you can’t be vulnerable with your mate then who WILL you be vulnerable with? The next man or woman? Whew! Jesus, I just felt something in my spirit as I typed that, I really want to start shouting, but I don’t think that’s appropriate.

I digress, Flaws & All by Beyonce describes me so well, “I’m a host of imperfection, but you see past all that”…

It all boils down to the fact that we’re not perfect. When we get into relationships we should be able to be as open & as honest as we possibly can be (without being overbearing). We shouldn’t be afraid to be us because we are wonderfully made. God picked every quirk, snort, & tendency when He was putting us together, He doesn’t make any mistakes, & there’s someone out there who’s going to love all of it. We’re all unique, perfect the way we are…to quote the legendary Marilyn Monroe: “I’m selfish, impatient & a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control & at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”

Yep, I feel you Marilyn…


Who’s Gotcha Covered…

What are your requirements for a mate? Does he have to be tall, dark and handsome? Have enough money to buy you an island? AND get you there often (That would be amaaaazing, lol). But for real, guys, does she have to be fine? Have a body for days? Always have her nails done? What’s a deal breaker for you? What about your friends? Do they have to be spiritually grounded in Christ? How important is that to you…

When I was younger I was under the misconception that it was cool as long as he/they had SOME kind of spiritual guidance even though I believe Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior. I thought that if they are spiritually grounded in whatever they believed that it was all good. Boy was I wrong…

So fast forward to the present…Last week at our church anniversary Pastor Dre was explaining how important it is to have Pastor Chuck covering her. It was like a light bulb went off in my head, well over…you know the one I’m talking about. Everything I thought was important in my mate in the past was so irrelevant, superficial and meaningless. I mean when I meet a man I still check out his shoes BUT, lol… Ok ladies do you know how important it is to have a man (husband) who is going to cover you? Go to spiritual battle on your behalf and for the behalf of your family? When you’ve done all that you can do, and you’re tired, to have a man who’s going to keep you lifted in prayer? Do you even understand HOW important that is!? Gentlemen, are you aware of how important it is for your woman (wife) to be YOUR spiritual backbone? To make sure your kids are in the word? To get down on her knees and pray and fight through the spiritual battle with you?

What about your friends? In Romans 12 it says that we are one body. We are one body in Christ, therefore if we’re in this together and I mess up, I mess you up. Right? Take my high blood pressure for instance, when it’s acting up it causes me to have a headache, my sinuses to hurt, and my ears and my teeth, sometimes my legs feel funny AND now they’re monitoring my kidneys…ALL because of my blood pressure. Why? Because I have one body and when one thing is acting up it affects my ENTIRE body because it’s connected. The same goes for the body of Christ, if I slip up, I slip you up and guess what!? Guess who’s also connected to us? Jesus. Yep, we take Him right along with us into our sin, (as Pastor Kelvin calls it, Self Inflicted Nonsense) People are always quick to say “The Lord knows my heart” Yep! He sure does and He knew when you were lusting over that man or when you fornicated with that woman. He knew your heart alright and you dragged Him right along into that bed, He inhaled that puff of weed with you, and He was right there as you were cussin’ that lady out. Brings the idea of repentance to a whole other level huh?

Yeah yeah yeah, I know a lot of you are gonna say “well Jesus died for my sin” (insert eye & neck roll), but have we forgotten the part about being made in God’s image? So, if we were made in God’s image and so was Jesus and they are perfect then…hmmm riiiiiiiight. Oh don’t get your knickers in a tizzy, NO God does NOT expect us to be perfect that’s why Jesus died for us, BUT as Proverbs 26:11 says “As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly.” So basically if we keep going back and doing the same SELF INFLICTED NONSENSE then we’re fools, God says so. We have to try our best everyday to be like Christ. There’s no way in the world we can be as dope or as fly as He was, not at all but we must strive to be, and have people in your corner who are striving to be as well.

This takes me to John 15, pruning…

He is the vine, we are the branches…We are connected to Him, He is connected to us, and as brothers and sisters in Christ we are connected to each other. Now if you have a tree in your yard and the branches are dead, dried up and not producing any fruit then what do you do? You cut them off so that they don’t kill the entire tree. Who are the dead branches in your life?

Jesus Christ resides on the inside of us! His Holy Spirit! How can we keep dragging Him into our nonsense, into our sin and keep using excuses meanwhile we’re killing ourselves in the spirit. Causing parts of us to dry up, wither and die! Nothing that is dead can be connected to Jesus. If we’re dying in the spirit there’s no way we can be connected to His vine. No way.


So You Want To Get Married…

The other day I was talking to my friend/sis Dani. Just about life and why things happen the way that they do. How tragedy seems like the end of the world, but then later on in life we realize why it was done and why it was in Gods plan.

When God created us He had our lives planned out down to the very second! We sometimes (because He gave us that tricky thing called free will) have the ability to screw some things up by making our own way, making our own decisions without asking for guidance first, but because our God is so awesome, He can even turn our screw ups into a way to benefit us and become our testimonies!

We need to learn to lean on our Lord and trust Him fully. He’s the ONLY one who makes the right decision ALL THE TIME! Growing up, I was taught not to question God, because every decision He makes is correct and perfect. But as a fleshly human being HELLO I HAVE QUESTIONS!! Why does this and that happen? She’s such an awesome person why does this always happen to her? How does he always get blessed when he is so evil?

One question I stopped asking was why am I 3….wait no, I asked before now it was more like why am I 28 and still not married with no siiiiign of a prospective husband, not even remotely close! I mean really, my godparents bought me a beautiful pearl necklace when I was 8 years old for my baptism. It had 8 pearls on it and my mom was supposed to put a pearl on it every year on my birthday until I got married…that sucker probably can’t FIT another pearl on it!

I digress…over the past few years I’ve come to realize that when I was in my twenties I had absolutely NO CLUE about what marriage was. Yeah I knew it was a vow to God that should never be broken, you have a ceremony, and I knew you wore a pretty white gown…or off white…cream? And then you partied after and now you are legally and spiritually bound to this person under God for life…life! Ahhhh such a scary concept for me at one point. I didn’t understand the importance of marriage and that marriage wasn’t about me it was about God and glorifying His kingdom. (You know that’s what our whole life is about right? It’s not about us) I use to say that I didn’t want to get married so much that I thought I cursed myself! But no, God knew exactly what he was doing because I also use to say that when I got married, I wasn’t getting a divorce. We gone have ta stick it out bruh…

Definition of covenant: A solemn and binding relationship which is meant to last a lifetime.

Back in the old testament they had to cut a lamb or a goat into two halves and walk between them O_O and say Lord I give you my solemn promise in this covenant and if I break it split me in two like this here carcass. Uhhh yeah, as far as ancestral tradition goes I think we’re gonna stick to jumping the broom.

But seriously! Marriage is a covenant between you two and GOD, it’s not a legal piece of paper, it’s a solemn promise that you’re making with your creator. The one who has the ability to wake or not wake you in the morning. Marriage is like thee most important covenant to God! Which is why you’re supposed to wait to have sex until you’re married. That’s when you two become one with God. (I’ll get into that on a later post) We need to take marriage as seriously as they did in the past. People take their promise to God far too lightly. “She’s not as cute as she use to be” “He’s not as cut as he use to be”. Maaaan please! It’s about so much more than that.

We were getting schooled by Miss Pam the other night and one thing she said was. “Go into marriage knowing you’re not divorcing, you have to work it out”, she also said meet their family (yikes for some of us). With that said, you HAVE to KNOW the person. People get married so quickly now and days you look up and they’re divorcing! Why? Because they didn’t know each other . They’re not on the same page. The person I marry will have to have the same mind set as me or it isn’t going to work. Will we have to agree all the time about everything? No, but on major things? Indeed. That comes with being equally yoked. I can’t believe that Jesus is the Messiah and he believes that Jesus was just a prophet. No bueno, not gonna work boo.

Ok, once again I don’t know how we got on this road over here lol. Maybe it’s because people keep telling me that I’m next…and I receive that in the name of Jesus. I’m so glad that God spared me the pain of divorce or the pain of “sticking it out” with someone that I didn’t want to be with or didn’t want to be with me. He waited until I was ready and mature enough to handle all that marriage entails. I can’t thank Him enough for that…now, how ’bout that husband 🙂